My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
