I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
