I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
