I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
