Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
