I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
3pm strippers are depressing
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize