i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
