Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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