So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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