Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you win again, gameday.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
