allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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