There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
