I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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