All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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