Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
