ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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