So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
