I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
