I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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