Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
