I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
