I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
