the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
