hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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