your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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