i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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