Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
