i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
