you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
