He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
