i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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