I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
