I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
