ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
