I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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