Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
