420 ftw
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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