i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize