Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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