My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
