maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
