Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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