he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
