Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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