Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
