he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize