She said her name was "party"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize