I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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