Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you made out with another girl for some wings
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize