what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
