dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
