Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
