guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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