And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
