smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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