This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
