where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
