after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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