Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The uberlube is also flammable
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
