If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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