Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
