turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
