can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
