dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
