I wish I could teleport
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
