Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize