You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
