she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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