Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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