The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
