stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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