ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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